2. It’s always cold in Soccer. You’ll need a scarf.
4. Soccer players often seem to have severe and immediate medical reactions to scoring goals. They rip their shirts off in distress. They fall down and writhe on the ground. They run in circles, apparently very dizzy. This is perhaps why they are all so loath to score goals. Goals and points are not required for soccer. Entire games can go by without anyone on either team scoring a goal and people will find it acceptable. People on TV will even talk about how inspired was the play of all those guys who didn’t score any soccer goals. Also, soccer people don’t seem to mind if no one wins the game. They are even willing to accept a scenario in which points are not scored AND no one wins. In a sport.
6. If you leave the room to go to the bathroom or get something to eat, you will miss the thing that happens that soccer game. It’s probably going to be the only thing that happens the whole game, and you will have missed it.
7. No one knows when soccer games end, not even the people playing them. It is one of life’s great mysteries. The Voynich Manuscript. Where the missing socks go in the dryer. The Holy Trinity. When soccer games end. I think maybe it’s just not something we’re supposed to understand.
Happy soccer everyone.
U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!