|the header graphic from Simcha’s Blog: I Have to Sit Down
Apparently, some moms (including Simcha and Jenny) feel frustrated and inadequate (and violent) when reading the “inspirational” mom blogs, and prefer the “keepin’ it real” mom blogs. Charlotte has been accused of having an inspirational blog AT people.
I have to say, I am really surprised to find out how strongly some people feel against the pretty blogs. Especially since I have the exact opposite reaction myself. I think they’re nice.
Reading the Catholic Mom Doomsday Blogs (CMDBs for short) on the other hand, really bums me out. I get that people need to commiserate and I do love that this really is a community and we can share and whatnot but reading a “my kids are the worst, everything is out of control” post makes me want to get in my car and drive to your house and hug you and then grab you by the shoulders and shake you while shouting “YOU DON’T HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS!” and then maybe help you make dinner.
I do not personally find those posts edifying or encouraging, I find them troubling.
And I’m willing to give even a Martha Stewart-type mom-blogger the benefit of the doubt. That’s not my goal for my family (and I think there is some level of wrong-focused-ness involved there) but I think it’s much more likely that even someone like that honestly wants to bring some order and beauty to the world rather than that she wants to make people feel badly about their own lives. That would be a crazy way to live. And if her writing is offending you, I’ll bet she’s an INTJ (more on that in take two). We can be pretty offensive (accidentally).
But Simcha doesn’t say that we all need to write a CMDB or any other type of blog in particular. She just says we should read blogs that are helpful to us. I think that’s something we can all agree upon. So please (Hayley, I’m talking to you here, you too Sheena) if you write a sunny side up blog, do not think that you have to become a downer to keep from offending the some, because the others need you just the way you are.
And because, apparently, I really should just cut and paste Jenny’s entire five favorites post and call it a day . . .
I will second her recommendation for this Meyers-Briggs personality test or this one recommended by Jen F. and just add how I simultaneously love and am totally creeped out by the Meyers-Briggs phenomenon.
Earlier this week I posted: An Introvert’s Guide to Stay at Home Mothering so I’ve kind of had personality types on the brain. As I discussed in a previous post, I am an INTJ (like Professor Snape and Mr. Darcy and Vladamir Putin yikes).
I really like that learning about temperaments and personality types has helped me understand that not everyone perceives the world in the same way I do. Just having that knowledge has made me a more understanding and sympathetic person. But it is also very odd to pull up the INTJ wikipedia entry and feel like it somehow knows EVERYTHING about you. Even the stuff you hadn’t even noticed about yourself until you read it on wikipedia.
According to this chart, I have the third least common personality type in the United States (and the least common overall for women at 0.8%). But still, if there are 311 million people in the US, and 85.4 million of them are mothers, and a quarter of those mothers are Catholic (21.4 million), and 0.8% of those are INTJ then that makes 171,200 people in the United States who are exactly like me. Except for how God made me unique and all that. But otherwise, exactly like me. Weird.
It’s interesting now to look back at my teenage years with a better understanding of what my problem was. Or what my difficulties and motivations were anyway.
I spent most of high school with that do not talk to me look on my face that Posh Spice usually had:
By the time I was in my mid-twenties, I had mastered small-talk enough to meet and marry my awesome husband (more on that Sunday . . . ) and had managed to get a job that I enjoyed and thought I was good at and that also allowed me to go sit in my car by myself on my lunch break. So really, I had it all, INTJ-wise. That’s probably why I dragged my feet so much on the decision to stay home with my son. But I’m awfully glad I did. It was the right decision for this particular introvert.
But enough about being an introvert.
My younger sister (with whom we are currently staying in Iowa) is an extrovert. When we were growing up, even though she is three years younger than I am, she was the one in charge of talking to people for the both of us. She’s quite good at it. (She’s also good at navigating, and was in charge of that too, even though she was only thirteen when I got my license and she became chief navigator of our Ford Festiva.)
She read the introverted mothering post and, as a mother of two little ones, had some insights to share about extroverted mothering.
1. Apparently, you folks crave that one-on-one interaction that is a challenge for many introverts, and you don’t necessarily like getting lost in the crowd at a mom’s group. One-on-one play dates where you really get a chance to get to know the other mom are great for you.
2. Sometimes you worry that you’re pestering your friends to hang out too much. Having standing engagements is a great way to avoid that problem. (By the way, I think this is also excellent advice for introverts, since for us, the planning of the interaction is often the most taxing part. Standing weekly or monthly get-togethers avoids that problem for both types of moms.)
3. A work-from-home business that allows you to interact (even if it’s just over the phone) with other grownups during nap time can keep you feeling connected to the world outside your house and kids.
Any thing else? Introverts, extroverts, what did we miss?
And now back to my re-cap of Jenny’s Five Favorites . . . on to childbirth! We’ll also be looking in on Bonnie’s guest post at Team Whitaker on home birth.
Jenny points out that moms (especially Catholic moms) who have epidurals often feel that they are somehow inferior to the natural childbirth mom-types.
Bonnie has done it all, childbirth-wise: non-medicated home birth, non-medicated hospital birth, and hospital birth with epidural.
Since these are my quick takes, here’s what I think about it all:
I think ALL birth decisions are motivated somewhat by fear. Some women choose a medicated hospital birth because they are scared of pain or scared that something will go wrong with the birth and some women choose home births because they are scared of hospitals and being bossed around by nurses and the fogginess and loss of control that you get with pain meds.
It’s not that one group is scared and the other is bold and fearless and natural, it’s that the two groups are scared of DIFFERENT THINGS.
I’m a natural childbirth at the hospital (at the very last minute) type myself. I’d totally be a home birth gal, but the husband isn’t comfortable with it. I agree with Bonnie that both parents need to be totally on board with the home birth thing. So our compromise is that I spend a lot of time in denial about actually being in labor, then drag my feet about leaving for the hospital, then have a huge contraction and demand that we GO NOW AND WHY DIDN’T WE GO BEFORE?! Then we make it to the hospital minutes before the baby is born.
It’s not for everyone, but it works for us! I think we all need to get a lot more confident in our own choices and realize that what other folks are doing is right for them, even if what we’re doing is right for us.
And no one is having a baby AT you.
Changing gears here . . .
The Doctor is dead, long live the Doctor. (Well, after the 50th anniversary special anyway.)
I had not heard of Peter Capaldi until he was announced this week as the twelfth Doctor.
|I really, really hope he’s going with this scarf.
And the only thing I’ve ever seen him in before is the Doctor Who Pompeii episode, when he played the Dad.
I find it kind of charming that they keep re-purposing actors on Doctor Who.
Adeola became Martha Jones (became Martha Jones-Smith):
Victorian maid became Gwen Cooper (she’s from an old Cardiff family):
The Doctor’s Daughter became his wife (I guess that one doesn’t count):
Anyway, I don’t know anything about this new actor, but I’m looking forward to seeing what they do with the show going forward.
I have NOT seen season 7. This is pretty much exactly how I feel about it not being on Netflix:
But I was kind of disappointed in season 6, mostly in the whole River thing. Not. Romantic. Not cool. What’s the point of have a young doctor if there’s no romance? Anyway, I’m fine with getting back to an older, wiser doctor.
Here’s what I did to celebrate the announcement:
|delete, delete, delete . . .
And now, some stuff we’ve been doing on our vacation at my sister’s house in Iowa besides installing a homemade backyard zip-line . . .
Jack and Betty have been spending their mornings at a horse camp across the street (I mean gravel road).
Feeding and grooming:
We’ve gone bowling:
We’ve blown bubbles:
We’ve fished, and eaten s’mores, and camped-out by the pond (some of us only did the s’mores part):
And we’ve shucked a lot of corn, obviously. It is Iowa after all!
We head back to Chicago on Friday to meet up with the husband, who’s flying in that night. Then we’ll have one more week in the mid-west before we head home to LA and — AHHHHHHHHHH — start school! I’m having a baby over Thanksgiving, so we WILL be done with our first semester before then. So, start we must.